Relationships…

Are you enjoying any sort of relationship in your life? Any of them….
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I must be stupid, asking this question to any person who calls himself social animal or cultured human beings! After all we are considered to be the ones with (heart) feelings, and (brains) understanding. It has to be a heart that has to travel the distance to find a relation, but due to the pollution around (I guess) it has started shrinking and the brain, that is needed to maintain the same, have started expanding, probably due to the ‘knowledge’ available in plenty.
And as the era is changing, the level of any relationships is rising up… from heart to brains!!! We have started reserving ourselves, not ready to experiment with any person we don’t like at the first site. Everybody in life goes through relations, but if you think about each of them individually, you will end up learning, that would be the earnings of the life time.
For Men, it is said that they are strong creatures who cultivates relations for sharing and for Women; they cannot stay lonely and it fulfills their security needs. The beauty of any relation is the interdependence of individuals, and the fall occurs when one cannot fulfill the commitments made at the time of inception. The balance of ‘give and take’ shifts to one side, and it creates a biased logic within the individuals that makes them travel the distance from US to ME.
And then there are relations coming straight from heart, where you just wish to give without any paybacks. When you look back, you wish to spend your whole life in those moments. Usually those relations are made at the times when there is lack of understanding about the relations or when you spend yourself in any manner possible to attain the desired conviction. That is where the judgment about the gravity of inputs given into it needs to be picture perfect.
If we are to live in this society, we’ve got to believe in people; actually we do not have other option! It is our basic need to socialize, and with the changing nature of relations, where friends stand better than family, mentors helping you to see the horizons you would have never thought of and above all, our best memories we are with our friends. How seldom have we heard of people meeting one another at the most undesired places without any intention of even allowing any body into their space, sharing a relation of the lifetime!!!
I am a strong believer of the bond called ‘family’, but that is something we are already born with and as we grow up, the monotonous nature of learning and enjoyment makes us wander out of that secured circle exposing our self to the so called brutal world and learn to make our judgments about the people and hence, relations.q
One of such important relations made me realize, ‘Ristey soch-samz kar nehi banay jate aur jo dil se jude hote hai, unhe sambhalne ke lia bahut gum khane padte hai. ’ At the end of it all, good people meet good people, and a positive energy rests within them.
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Find a new relation… it might add a new dimension to your life!!!

The Character Paradox

If you can’t find a way to defeat a person, just assassinate his character… He will become weak and feeble!!!

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How well does this concept work in a society like India, who claim themselves as well- behaved, well- mannered, and progressive people, and are ready to go down to any level to climb up to their notional ‘success’ not even realizing the aftermath and trauma that the person may suffer all his life!

Let us understand what character is…

Character is the inner- self of any human being who has the ability to judge itself with the reference scale- ‘society’, and act likewise to relate and react with others in a manner where whole system is balanced. It is directly linked with personality and individuality of the person. (Too engineered or scientific explanation, I guess!)

Till date, I have seen character personified only as someone fitting into the shoes of a perfect spouse material or loyal boyfriend/ girlfriend thing. Yes, this does constitute one of the important features of character, but I don’t find it to be all- encompassing.

The world is changing today, very quickly!  And with the advent of western culture in our society we are moving towards better standard of living, and luxuries have come into the simple living people. Hence emotional, physiological and physical needs of individuals have drastically enhanced, and an urgency of doing things had shot up. If a person goes through numerous patches of emotional turmoil and in the process of finding the perfect one, shifts from one person to another, how easily is he/ she is categorized in the lower grades of character!

A person with strong character is the one who can support himself, his family and friends, his decisions, his own life and the people who are around him/ her. A multi- affair person who can spread happiness or good feelings within people around him/ her should be rated high on those scales. He is the one who will always remember a helping hand given to him at the time of his needs, and stand up to it.

And, if you manipulate someone in your vicinity in order to get some personal or professional mileage, resulting into any kind of harassment for him/ her, even if it is for a single moment, you must be into the low character grades. Slowly, your needs and demands are bound to rise and you may end up sucking up the complete happiness of the people around you and you would never see beyond “what is in it for me”. How often we claim it to be ‘Professionalism’….

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Once when I was a child, I was told to ask something to the mirror or an idol whom you respect. They said, it will speak to you, provided you are willing to take the harsh facts about yourself.

I tried, and it defined me… and it still does!!!

P & L Account

In business, every profit earned is added to the Gross profit and every loss rendered is directly removed from the net profit!

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The above statement holds true in all the aspects of life, be it business (obviously), be it relations, or be it your job at any place. It takes all the hard work to get any entry in the credit side of the books, or I should say in the good books of any ledger of our lives, but one wrong debit makes it all a zero sum game!!!

I will try to narrate an incident, where I suffered a huge loss on the personal front, at the age, where I shouldn’t have had it.

For those who are not aware, I was a national player of Chess, when I was 16. The passion for the game was above all and let me tell you, the fight to secure a place in top 4 was equivalent to the fight for the chair of the prime minister of the country.

And, I must be proud of the fact that whenever we went to play a state level tournament, we have always had the champion with us. The lobby of players with us was simply fantastic, and the bond called friendship was better than imagination. We could go to the extreme limits to have our player in front and winning. The thing we call ‘sledging’ was as good as normal talking when we had to take the table and that was used to disturb the concentration, the most important thing in the game. (Nothing personal about it ever)

One of such special friend, who also happened to be a nappy friend, a neighbor, and a real companion when it came to the ‘fights between the gangs’ of the locality was an obvious part of our group. And we won several battles together, supporting each other in each and every possible way…

But one incident changed it all…

It was that tournament where we had to qualify for the state level event and the points tally came to still when I lost a cake walk match (probably over- confidence). All the discussions, manipulations, came down to the conclusion that the next final round had to be won by him and me to go forward in the ranks. My opponent was a heavy -weight of the tournament, and as a part of the lobby, we managed to agree him on a draw that meant that my friend needed a win or a loose for me to qualify. (And, his opponent was a good friend of mine.)

Well, the match progressed and I put up a good show with a good opening and a strong middle –game. It was never going to end up in my favor, but the mere fact of appreciation and tension on the face of the heavy weight was enough of consolation for the effort. The other match was also a tension ridden, with my friend with a slight advantage in the middle game.

With the progress of the matches, both of us went in the negative positions, with me hanging around the table with an elongated effort, and the bad news came as the loss of my friend following a blunder. Soon after, I lost my table to the heavy weight and now, only one of us could qualify for the further event. Eventually, my friend’s opponent didn’t give him the point and I got a draw that got me qualified. At the same time I saw ‘my friend’ offering money to his opponent for a draw result, which would have put me out of the tournament, but it didn’t happen. Finally, the worst part came from my behavior when my friend, dejected, asked me to leave with him, and me in the celebration of my win, opted to stay back and treat others.

He just went away, probably to never come back. He left the game and started concentrating on the studies, in which he was really good at. Later, he cleared the most prestigious exams to enter the apex institute in the country, and left the city.

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As they say- No one remembers the good times and good things for long, but none of the mistake are ever forgotten.

Are We Free???

15th of August 1947, a day that is considered to be written in golden words in the history of India. The day we had a shift in slavery laws, from the British to the hands of today’s constitution that is made and governed by the ‘elected ones.’

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Let’s go deep into the history of India, and try and figure out what we have been made of, or how have we come up through the ages.  Right from the Indus valley civilization, we have been ruled by the kings, some good some bad. There were very small provinces, first united by the Maurya Dynasty (as per records), than fragmented. We have always been invaded, and have only tried to save our heads during all these times, rather than uniting together and fighting for a cause. Our culture had been hindered, modified and tempered by the invaders, resulting in the situation today where we are living in the East and copying the West.

The British came to India and started capturing small provinces and with their fantastic planning acumen, conquered the whole country, and the only good thing about it was that for the first time, the country, INDIA, was united, documented and ruled by a single ruler. It was for the first time we had a thing called ‘constitution’ in place, and we were thus introduced to a bureaucratic system.

 So, if I say that since the inception, from nearly 300BC, we have been taught to live as slaves, or we have been genetically modified to follow the laws/ leaders without any reasoning power and the deviation from which is termed as a crime, am I wrong?

Never the less, the changes have come! Then, we had rulers, their courts and the appointed ones; now we appoint our own ‘rulers.’ Then, we had to run for our heads & lives, and it was the King’s liability to provide food & security; now we have to run for our own food and security needs, our ‘elected ones’ take away their ‘shares’ and are least bothered about what happens to the public. Then, the law & order was always in place; now it has become a pet puppy of some individuals, and the place called Parliament, the court of the elected ones can amend any law of justice for common man. Apparently, today we are in the same position or even worse.

If socio-economic freedom is the perception of some individuals, there are very few, who are actually free of Peer pressure, Family pressure, Government pressure etc… Primarily, every one of us is burdened with liabilities and indebted to each and every one around us in one way or other. And while coming up from those debts, we are either too old to think about ‘freedom’ or we have buried our instincts deep down under the worldly attractions that tempt us to enjoy what we have earned, and those temptations are unending….

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Rajnish Osho gave a defining statement to his followers-

“Never obey anyone’s command unless it is coming from within you also.”

Do you hear a voice coming from within??

Lesson no.1

I am not a writer, or a blogger, not even by instincts…..

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But what I do have are some of my life experiences to share, and to add to it, I am a person with strong opinions and a different way to look towards life.

So, here I am, trying to write something that may quench my thirst of expressing my views.

I have always believed in family, the upbringing of any individual by the parents and the surrounding, the first lessons of life learnt….

Here, I will narrate one of the most important and impacting lessons of my life, and one of the earliest I can remember. I belong to a bania- marwadi family with deep rooted business traditions. In our families, as it is said, business is in the genes, and making business had been injected in the veins right from the time we start getting the understanding of the world.

Following the same trend, I started going to the office at the age of 15. While my father and the other staff were busy entertaining the customers, I was watching keenly, trying to make my first cut, my first sale. But customers, as they say are Gods, and like God, it is not possible to understand what they have in store for us. Customer is the direct name of any ‘give and take relationship’ that benefits both the parties. Likewise, every party (buyer or seller) wants the most out of the transaction that occurs.

In the same line, a rigorous bargaining session going on between a customer and my father that I was keenly observing…. finally the deal was done and after the calculation of the bill amount, the payment was made. I was exited (as always) as the same came in my hands for the further accounting of it. While accounting I found out a calculation mistake, that got us some Rs.500/- extra. I told my father about it, expecting that he will adjust the bill accordingly, as the bargain had gone below our margins. But, to my surprise, he immediately called that person back and returned the extra money saying, “mehnat kii kamai ka itna mil jata hai k beimani karni k jarurat nehi hai.

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This statement came to me as an inscription on my heart, brain and soul… Honesty is one feature that made me what I am today! It benefits…….
I love my Dad……..